|She can't bear to look...but she|
can't turn away, either.
It might be best to avert your eyes from both the field and the fish tank at ever-controversial Marlin Park, where all relevant life forms are facing holocaust-like conditions.
|Tell the truth and get "asked to leave": this|
fan did not get to stay and see the Fish
flop in their 2013 home opener...
For the Fish, as we've always liked to call them, just lost a hard-fought 3-2 game to the Cincinnati Reds. They are now 4-14 on the season. Teams have had worse starts, to be sure. But what makes this situation so ominous is that the Fishies have lost thirteen of these games while scoring two runs or less.
Here's a stat that might give you pause. When teams allow three or fewer runs in a game, they tend to win a sizable number of those contents. In MLB so far in 2013, for example, teams that allow three runs or less in a game have a .763 winning percentage (167-52).
The Fish are now 2-7 in those games.
|Bogie and Liz in the appropriately entitled|
"Dead Reckoning"...location shooting,
alas, was in Tampa, not Miami.
Last year's fire sale looks as though it has set up a long season of death by drowning.
|Why is this man smiling?? $2.75m for|
playing on what might be the worst team
since the '03 Tigers: hey, life's a beach!
|Sticking with the Lichtenstein theme--|
manager Mike Redmond, alum of the
'03 WS champs, will ask to trade places
with N'awlins manager Ron Hassey...
The Fish have hit just five homers thus far. They've not gotten many men on base (.266 OBP), and when they do, they manage to hit into DPs (second highest in the NL, behind the Giants).
|We call this one the "Race to Retchedness"...|
As always, we provide a little historical (or is that hysterical?) context in the chart at right.
Stay tuned (where have you heard that before??) for more adventures below the replacement level...this could be fun, in a supremely morbid kind of way.
[UPDATE: Fish hit a home run! Fish score six runs! Fish...lose anyway. Something about an eight-run seventh for the Reds. The other 26 teams that have started the year 4-15 have combined for a year-end WPCT of .380...only three of these teams have finished the season at .500 or better.]